Cranky Actress On Vacation

I’ve been on vacation in Florida.  .  It’s been OK.  Except for when we arrived and my suitcase did not.  So I ended up tromping around being a pale person in a black wool pea coat, black wool knit pants, and loser clogs, in a landscape of tan people wearing pastels and showing a lot of their tan skin.  I think I looked only marginally mentally ill.

We’re going home tomorrow. Which might be a good thing for my marriage.

Traveling is great, except for the no sleeping part. The first time I traveled with my husband I brought my own pillow. He made fun of me. So now the pillow stays home and I can’t sleep. A hard foam pillow will keep me awake. A hard mattress drives me nuts.  Polyester sheets are preposterously torturous.   I need the right light to read in bed so I can fall asleep. And the perfect temperature. Oh, and the perfect blanket. Exactly like the one I have at home. There is a hotel in LA that has a pillow menu. That is my kind of place.

Basically, I could enjoy vacation if I could take a moving truck. I once snuck my down comforter into my suitcase.

So a few days without these things and I get cranky. Well, even more cranky than usual. Then my digestion doesn’t work. Then I get even more cranky. Then my husband wonders why he married me.

While we were away, I had a nightmare.  It was one of those real, real nightmares where you wake up still feeling upset.  In the dream my husband was divorcing me.  We were in a courtroom.  My husband was standing in front of the judge.   It went like this:

The Judge says, “So Mr. Cranky you are filing for divorce?”

“Yes Your Honor” says my husband.

“On what grounds, Mr. Cranky?” says the Judge.

“Constipation” says my husband.

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2 Responses to “Cranky Actress On Vacation”


  1. 1 Dirnov February 4, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    Hello,
    Not sure that this is true) but thanks

    Thank you
    Dirnov

  2. 2 Ruth Marten January 25, 2009 at 3:32 am

    Hon, you are a fab writer!
    You have a book here, no doubt.
    L,R


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