Archive for the 'Facebook' Category

Facebook or Wastebook; An Addendum to the Addendum

Published April 8, 2009 Facebook , comedy 2 Comments
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Here are a few articles that Cranky thinks some one seriously needs to write about Facebook:

Scientific Study Finds Facebook Aggravates Symptoms of OCD
“My wife used to be very particular. Nothing out of order in our house. She was kind of a clean nut”, says Ed Edmondson of Chicago, IL. “Now that she is on facebook she can’t stop checking it, he says. “I found out she once posted 10 photos in one day. And now that an old boyfriend showed up on facebook, I’ve found her getting out of bed and logging on in the middle of the night to see if there are any messages from him. She won’t stop….

Enterprising Group Starting the No. 1 Facebook Detective Agency
The growing popularity of facebook has been behind the formation of the No. 1 Facebook Detective Agency.  The founders of the agency found that there we a lot of people who wanted to know a few things before they pressed confirm or ignore when accepting new friends on facebook.  “A guy I knew in high school showed up,” says Betty Anderson of Westchester, NY, “But all his posts were between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m.  What does that mean? And his profile says he is in a relationship, but it also says he is interested in women and looking for dating.  How does that work?  So I hired the No. 1 Facebook Detective Agency and sure enough he is a crazy man living in a shack in the woods.”……..

The Facebook Quiz – No Bad Answers?
“Everyone across the board gets an ego lift from taking one of the facebook quizzes”, says quiz creator Mike Geekman. All the results are good. We didn’t even include the Mesozoic in the “WHICH ERA DO YOU BELONG IN” quiz, though I’m sure in reality we have members that truly do belong there……

12 Steppers Step Right Up On Facebook
“It’s a new thing. People are sending global bulletins on facebook to everyone they’ve known past and present telling them to call them for an apology.” Says facebook administrator Glenn Particularis. The validity of doing the 12 steps on facebook has also been called into question by veteran members of AA. “We feel doing it on facebook doesn’t count,” says long time member John Daniels. “ How serious can you be posting an amends right there with videos of kittens playing in paper bags?” …..

New Survey Finds People FBing from Asylums Have More Friends Than Ever
The isolation of the insane is now ending thanks to facebook. Henry Nutter, a long time resident of Kirby Forensic Psychiatric Center says, “I can’t believe how many friends I have now thanks to facebook. And my profile is all true. I just left a couple of things out. I’ve found all the people I went to high school with and I was really surprised, some of them are really messed up.”….


Facebook or Wastebook; An Addendum

Published March 20, 2009 Facebook , comedy 3 Comments
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Okay. Now facebook is freaking me out, man.

It’s making me ask myself questions. I’m neurotic enough without having to deal with how to deal with this. Its all cuckoo now I think. This morning while going through today’s facebook posts I asked myself the following questions:

1. DO I REALLY NEED TO READ WHAT SOMEONE I BARELY KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO LIVES HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAD FOR BREAKFAST?

2. Today a friend posted 10 separate youtube videos. DOES EVERYONE HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THIS?

3. Some peeps from high school are working on getting a facebook group reunion together. We’ve seen pictures of everywhere everybody has been on vacation their entire lives. We’ve read their profiles. We know where they live. We know what they do for a living. We know if they are married or single or in a relationship. We know their favorite quote. We know what they had for fucking breakfast! I keep imagining myself trying to start a conversation and then realizing I already read the answer on facebook. My day at the reuinion would consist of, “Um, ah…. Um…. Oh! Where?…oh no, forget it. Ah…”
WILL THERE BE ANYTHING LEFT TO TALK ABOUT IN PERSON?

4. Got a message from someone I barely knew with the following content:

“Yea, my Mom is still in the family house. It hasn’t been cleaned in over 25 years. I got sober in 2006. Developed bi-polar in 2008. Living on disability since then.”

HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS?  NICE HEARING FROM YOU?

5. I’ve accepted friend requests from people I can’t remember. DOES THIS ALSO MAKE YOU QUESTION YOUR SANITY?

These are questions I ask myself everyday while I’m scrolling down the facebook page to avoid doing something else I should be doing. An extra few minutes of avoidance before dealing with the task at hand. We might need a government study on the relationship between facebook and productivity.

My mother used to say “Curiosity killed the cat,” and it always pissed me off when she said that. Wanting to find out answers to things always seemed like a good thing. But let’s face it part of the facebook thing is all about curiosity. Where is so and so? How do they look? What do they do? What the fuck ever happened to them? In a perfect world I could read everyone’s profile’s without them knowing I was there. And then be facebook friends with the 8 people I actually know.

What would it be called? Voyeur book?

I’m also questioning the state of nostalgia. Websters defines it as:

“a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition”

Sounds like nostalgia makes your present life seem even more sucky than it already does.

Maybe there should be a past and present facebook. You can keep present friends and past friends separate. Depending on how wistful you are feeling that day, you can pick the past or the present.

A really good day is when we pick the present. Dontcha think?

Facebook or Wastebook?

Published February 9, 2009 Facebook , comedy 5 Comments
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Having a weird morning. Realize I must stop checking facebook and email so often.

Went to my desk to find a dentist bill to submit for reimbursement and ended up watching a video with a cat and a fawn. Then pictures of a fawn and a beagle. Then got an email with cats with headphones on. Then forgot why I had gone to the desk in the first place.

Then got a comment on facebook and had to respond to that. Then someone new befriended me. Then had to look at the new friend’s pictures and profile. Then saw she was friends with someone I sorta know, so had to look at that person’s picture and profile also.

Is this what most peoples busy mornings now consist of?

I recently had lunch with a friend and we realized for the first time we are both on facebook. My expression was one of dread. If I have to read any more updates I don’t know WHAT I am going to do.

Have a friend on facebook who I thought was sane until he wrote on the facebook wall what exercises he did that day. Every day. No kidding. “Ran 2 miles, did abs, bi-ceps and chest.”

Writers all procrastinate. Facebook is like an advanced procrastinating tool.

My friend says the next thing after facebook will be “Shitter”. People will write about the success or failure of their bowel movement that day. If there are pictures, I’m outta there.

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