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Film Magic In My Living Room

Published January 26, 2009 acting , film , show business , Uncategorized Leave a Comment
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Remember the film I was cast in opposite hat woman? Well, filming dates coincided with my vacation. The last day of filming being the day I’m flying back from Florida. Oy. So I quickly offered my apartment as a location. I was the only one in my scene. I’m on the phone in the scene. The director said OK. Which was awfully nice of him ‘cause he could have bagged my ass and gotten another actress.

So the day comes to go home. I travel most of the day. Sit on a packed plane with not enough air. Eat a mini bag of Fritos and a micro mini Kit Kat and a Diet Coke for dinner on the plane. There was a sandwich, but it scared me.

Take a cab home. Drop my bags. Call the director who is parked a block away waiting for me. Run and wash my face, brush my teeth and let Visine work it’s magic. Had to change. Actually considered the velour lounge outfit since I was tired, but rallied and put on slacks and a nice silk blouse. Did a turbo makeup job.

We started at ten p.m. DP’s and lighting sometimes take forever. And it is night, and they have to make it look like day, because the other half of the phone call was filmed in the afternoon.

But I so lucked out. The DP has done massive amounts of like big work. So he walks in and says, “Sit there.” Then he sets up one big light that he bounces off a mirror and it’s daylight. Then he recruits my husband to hold a square of tin foil and periodically move it a certain way and now we have cars going by reflecting the daylight on my face. Ingenious.

I do the first take and it goes fine. So did the others, so we got it done in an hour. And my husband did a bang up job with the tin foil square. And the director and DP and sound guy were total dolls. Like so happy to be doing what they’re doing and all. This makes Cranky Actress happy. A little bit of film magic in my living room.

It’s funny how things in life work. You have to do a ton of things one day and the next you’re left staring at the ceiling.

The Urgent Email

Published January 14, 2009 acting , auditions , film , Uncategorized Leave a Comment
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Sometimes, as a writer, the universe just throws something into your lap. All you gotta do is recognize it. Like the emails I go recently from a fledgling director studying in the film program at NYU.

The text messages I got my phone telling me to read them were marked URGENT.

I have changed the name of the director to protect the innocent. (Or is it guilty?)

The first message:

1/11/09

Hello, everyone! My name is Joe ____________ and I am the Director/Writer/Co-Producer of this little venture. I have been trying to obtain a space for auditions at NYU for the coming week, but since classes don’t begin until the following week, it’s taking longer than I expected to get requests and approvals through the system. I would like to have auditions on Thursday and Friday in the afternoon; should that work out, I will send a message with schedules by Tuesday at the latest. I know that is kind of short notice to prepare something, but the facilities are closed next weekend and I have a very packed class schedule. I wanted to have auditions early so as to avoid having them on the weekend, but once classes start my only free day is Tuesday, so if they don’t happen this week, the following Tuesday will be the earliest possible date.

As for what you should prepare for the audition, bring whatever material will help you give your best performance in the audition.

Thank you for responding to the casting call, and I hope to see you all next week.

Joe

Information I Need To Know: O
Reason for Sending Email: Unclear

The second message:

1/13/09

Hello again. I wanted to send this out yesterday, but the Internet in my building went out and hasn’t returned. I had to go to my sister’s apartment to send this out. Hopefully it’ll be back on tomorrow.

An update on the auditions: apparently the audition rooms aren’t open to me until the semester begins, which is information that, for some reason, wasn’t available until I went though the whole application process. Unfortunately, this means that I won’t be able to hold auditions until the 24th and 25th. I know that the weekend is hard for most people, and I will try to arrange a room for that following Tuesday as well (the 27th), but unfortunately the system doesn’t open up until the 20th. I will try to create a schedule that will be easy for everyone.

Also, I’ve gotten messages from several of you asking whether you should prepare a monologue or if there will be sides. The answer is: whatever you feel is best for you. If you want to do a monologue or sides of your choosing, just bring them in. If you want to see the script and maybe perform sides from that, just tell me and I’ll get it to you as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

Joe

Ok, are you laughing yet?

Information I Need To Know: 0 once again
(with demerits for making me read about your internet, your sister, your application process.) Dude, skip to the end. What the fuck do you want me to do, and where do you want me to go and when? Figure it out BEFORE you email me, OK?

Reason for Sending email: Still unclear

My Response to Joe:

Dear Joe –

I would like to suggest you skip directing and take up writing, as you obviously like to write even when you have absolutely nothing to say. As I writer myself I can tell you that it does not require the organizational skills of a director. If you can figure out which couch to sit on and what hours you will not be watching reality TV, you are good to go on a career as a writer.

The mental machinations exhibited in this email would be hilarious in a work of fiction. But sadly, they are very sad as something some one wrote in order to actually accomplish something. You are wasting your talents. I have heard NYU costs a mint I hope your parents are wealthy.

Sincerely,

Cranky

Of course I would never send this.  But I will be “out of town” for the 24th and 25th and will miss the debacle that is sure to be Joe’s audition.

The Torturous Location

Published January 2, 2009 acting , comedy , film , show business , Uncategorized Leave a Comment
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Low budget films have to cut out everything but the necessities. So any basic comforts for the actors are out. There is no space, no privacy, some times no air. After a long day of filming, I often feel like I have a hangover from being in stifling spaces for long hours. Or freezing ones.

I worked on a film that rented a house for a location. The owners left for the day and they obviously figured they’d save money and they turned the heat down to like 40 or something on a frigid winter day. When the actors weren’t filming we were huddled together on a leather sectional under a pile of everyone’s coats.

The director seemed oblivious, as he was probably high on hormones or something because he was in the midst of transitioning from a man to a woman. Everyone had a different pronoun for him/her. I was careful when talking about the director to only use his name, as I was afraid of making a pronoun faux pas. When exactly does a he become a she? No one seemed sure.

The owners of the house also left their dog. Were they nuts? Crews are all about their equipment and I doubt if they would have noticed if the dog slipped out of the house while they were loading in. But Saint Cranky of the animals was there, and I took care of the dog all day. We had nice little walks in the neighborhood together. And the dog was a great belly warmer among the coats.

It was a challenge slipping out from under the pile of coats to go do a scene. From a frozen fetal position to drama in minutes. Now that’s acting.

Greta Garbo once said, “I WANT TO BE ALONE.” I’m with you sister. I have always found like total utter joy in being absolutely quietly ALONE. Even as a kid, I remember reading books in the living room when no one was home as it got slowly slowly dark outside and feeling utterly content. So being crammed in a room with a bunch of people is not my idea of a good time. But when there are no trailers, no money, this is what happens. You are all stuck in the room they are not filming in at that moment.

One film took place in a one-bedroom apartment. So at certain points there were eight of us in the tiny bedroom together. And the makeup artist and her table. I ended up lying on the bed next to a really fun Palestinian actor staring at the ceiling and talking. He made it bearable. He had taught me the Arabic I needed to speak in the film. He was funny. He went on to do a lot of film and episodic television, including “24”, a must for any actor who cam play a terrorist. Looking like a terrorist is very hot right now. You look Muslim, you’re getting work.

Actually the director for some reason had cast me as Middle Eastern. I even had a stone in my forehead. I pretty much look Irish, but she was Japanese and maybe we all look the same to them. It was a job and I’m not gonna argue.

As a side note, everyone was impressed that her Dad was a Zen monk. I was too until I thought about it and realized that in the West it is the equivalent of having your Dad drop out of society and become a fisherman.

Don’t forget there is always the outdoor shoot. The first time I worked outdoors I was costarring with a little kid. His Dad showed up with two beach chairs. I thought that was peculiar until six hours later when we were still there and I was trying to rest on a stonewall.

I know none of this sounds that hard. But don’t forget, everything in film TAKES FOREVER. So being huddled on a coach for an hour isn’t bad. But being there from 9am until 1am is a different story.

A great actor once said, “ I get paid to wait. The acting I do for free.

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