Archive for April, 2020

The Not to Do List

Cranky went from functioning primarily in the performance world to working in the business world and has, oddly, been successful at it. But there are times it still makes Cranky cringe. Like now. Now when there is a pandemic and there are business meetings on marketing strategies during the time of Corona. I can’t take it. Years of being an actor has made Cranky in touch with her emotions which is very unfortunate during these times. I’m afraid any day there will be an update to our website something like:










Cranky is not her usual efficient self, so the dearth of clients is a welcome thing. Work has been low of the list of priorities. Priorities are now categorized in a new way during the stay at home life. They are:


Eat: Will accomplish

Buy Food: A must

Wash Dishes: Will do because want to eat more

Online Dance Class: Haven’t missed a day as only sign of life

Sleep: Now a reflex to go into an early coma and sleep late

Walk dog: Love of dog overcomes laziness so we never miss one

Netflix/Amazon: Yes. Thank you.

Shower: Everyday because sleep better

Wash hair: Any night not going into early coma (any day now)

Work: Need money to keep coming in VS no motivation, so compromise and work for 2 hours

Pay bills: Will get to it any day now

Prepare tax docs and send to accountant: Never going to happen my friend


Cranky has gotten used to the new order of things and the things that she will never do. It’s OK. Maybe motivation will come back before tax day on July 15th. My sweet accountant spoke to Cranky the other day and said. “Get the stuff I need to me soon, OK?” Cranky said “Sure!” and knew it might not happen.


Yesterday someone asked Cranky, “What are you going to do this weekend?” I thought how could you ask me that question? There is nothing to do and no place to go? Before I answered she said, “I’m getting Chinese food delivered.” Then I realized that the standard of what constitutes and activity has totally changed. Now food delivery is on the list how I spent my weekend.


Cranky meant to pay the bills today. She really did. And was going to vacuum too and wash hair! But now it is already somehow 6 o’clock and time to walk the dog and eat. Oh well.


Where Am I?

Cranky has gone through the 3 stages of Corona. Numbness, depression and acceptance. Initially numb and not feeling things were so different. Making jokes and going out as much as possible, including to a local mall before they closed to buy a pile of great books to read while being a shut in. Ha ha ha. La de da.

After a week, the depression of being home sets in. This is some creepy shit. Who can concentrate and read a book? I can barely focus enough to watch The Voice. I can’t figure out what to eat. Nothing appeals to me. I keep making food, putting it on a plate and then scraping it into the garbage. After a couple of days of this I call a friend who tells me I must go to the store and buy corned beef hash-that this is the solution. This is from someone who has been a stalwart vegetarian for years. My other vegetarian friend who lives north of Seattle has been cooking up meatloaves and baking chickens, so this might be a trend. My friend is right. The corned beef hash in a can is a food from childhood that I know I could eat. I go to the Korean deli and there is not one can of it on the shelves. I realize everyone is in bunker mode. I go to the supermarket. They have it. I buy 4 cans. I go home and put it in a pan and the dog gets a suspicious look on her face because I think she thought it was supposed to be dog food due to look and smell of it. I put one egg on top to make it semi-healthy. I can eat! I have to do this weird meal everyday and cannot vary from it. I know it is crazy, but it is all I can do. I spent one weekend exhausted from stress. Then I pulled myself together and thought, “ I’m sure Nelson Mandela under house arrest did not watch seven episodes of Homeland in one day.” I must get it together.

So I have now gone over to acceptance. This is life now. I keep myself on a routine like a disciplined prisoner who works out in their cell. Get up. Mocha Decaf and read. Walk dog. Do work (joke). Do an online ballet barre. Eat hash. Try to work (some days: productive, other days: one phone call). Walk dog. Try to eat something. Try to find one thing on Netflix that holds my attention. Read. Walk dog. Bed.

Today I hand sewed 2 facemasks to comply with the Mayor’s request that we wear them. I don’t want to be shunned at the market. I also refuse to wear the horrible paper things so I cut up a bunny tea towel for one and a navy bandana for the other. I have a face mask wardrobe at the ready. bandana (1)

I realize I won’t be wearing lipstick for a while and this depresses me. Washing hair on a regular basis has been a struggle. Who cares? I actually set my hair on hot rollers yesterday to conduct a Zoom meeting. It was the social event of the day.

My partner sent me flowers the other day to cheer me up. I joked with her that it is amazing that we can keep working under the specter of death. My boss suggests we all read about Churchill to see that they had it worse then. I kinda doubt it. They keep saying “We are in this together.” People in World War II were in it together. We are in this apart.