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The Stupidest Casting Email Ever

Got an email the other day that was pretty out there.

Here it is:
“Hello Thank you for the prompt response, all information is currently being processed.”

Hello? You have only said a few words and I already hate you. “My information is being processed?” Why do you sound like the auto-response I get from JCrew when I place an order? More familiar with online shopping than with casting perhaps?

“The last few successful applicants will be responded to in the next couple of days, with an invite to the auditions.”

Ok, now it sounds like some sweepstakes or something. “The last few successful applicants?” All this needs is a “SO ACT NOW” at the end of it. So very Publisher’s Clearing House.

“If you would like to contact me personally, or maybe have a discussion about anything regarding the film, auditions etc, I am always about on Ind-E-Focus.”

Ah, no, I really DON’T want to contact you personally. Why would I want to contact you PERSONALLY? I know NOTHING about this film. What project are you talking about? Does it have a name?

“As I mentioned in my original casting call, I am using Ind-E-Focus to keep an online account of all cast and crew applicants, it is a lot easier for me to keep all of your details here and respond to you instantly.”

Ah, easy for you. What about me? IS IT EASY FOR ME? And what is so instant about it? I think email is pretty instant. And whatever you “mentioned” I don’t remember. I don’t remember reading anybody’s casting call. No one does. We hit “reply” and send our info into cyberspace and forget about it. If we did remember all of them we would have to be rainman like. And why would I be interested in how you are keeping track of all the “applicants”?

“I will look out for you on Ind-E-Focus, any doubts of my whereabouts, check my profile page under my username: LaylaQ”

No, I have no doubts about your WHEREABOUTS, only your IQ LaylaQ. Am I am sitting around wondering where Layla is? Is she at the supermarket? Is she online shopping at JCrew? I wonder where she is?

“There you may personal message me and send across your details. I have created a post in the message boards titled System Defect, but it has now been locked, however, so keep checking this post.”

Great idea. I have nothing else to do. I will definitely keep checking it until it is unlocked. Right. No problem. I am already loving how “instant” this all is. Great idea sending everyone to a message board that is locked. That is so original. I’m sure your project is going to be SUPER ORGANIZED when in production.

“I will be informing everyone when the audition process is finalized and the applicants have all been chosen.
Best of Luck
LaylaQ”

Best of Luck? No, no, best of luck to you in producing a film.

And really, luck? What is this the lottery? Are all our names on little balls and are they are spinning in some cage somewhere and the winners are gonna pop out or something?

Once again, actors want to be contacted with an audition time and place. The end. Whatever happens in between is your business.

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4 Responses to “The Stupidest Casting Email Ever”


  1. 1 rachelgrundy August 11, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    I love the response you sent. I would have done the same. I often get an email after I have submitted for a whole bunch of things at the same time, that go something like this:

    Hi,

    We would like to schedule your audition time for 12pm on Saturday, August 15th at Ripley Grier Studios, room 14g. Please bring a hardcopy of your headshot and resume. Sides will be available at the audition.

    Thanks,
    [name]

    Um, for what film? Which role? ANNOYING.

  2. 2 LISA NICOTRA April 30, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    WOW!!!! Automated casting calls…..LMAO! Nothing surprises me anymore!

  3. 3 TMR April 30, 2009 at 1:56 am

    “Like I am sitting around wondering where Naima is? Is she at the supermarket? Is she online shopping at JCrew? I wonder where she is?”

    ROFLMAO! This is why I love your blog so much. I mean, anyone can just complain about annoying things, but you’re just so damn funny! Your writing is great. Every entry totally cracks me up (even while I’m simultaneously sympathizing with you having to deal with annoying stuff and stupid people). Love it!

  4. 4 blueblood April 29, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    Oh, how I HATE these responses! They give you all kinds of shit nonsense except for the only info you really need: audition time & place and a reminder about what this is all about and which character you submitted for!!! Yeah, sorry, I do send out millions of submissions every day, I don’t know who the fuck you are.


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