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Never Flirt With Cranky at an Audition

Cranky had a print audition today. They are the only ones she can afford to go to at the moment. Ten minutes of standing on an X and smiling like an idiot. Upscale casual. Cranky is expert at upscale, looks rich even though broke. A friend once described face as “to the manor born.”

Nothing like a print audition in summer sweat weather. You have a shiny face you look like hell. The most pristine makeup job is no match for the 100 degree New York City subway platform. So took a taxi, which is a gamble. Need the taxi money, but need the four grand I will get if I get it. All morning was going, “taxi, no taxi, taxi, no taxi, taxi, no taxi…” in my head. When real feel temp reached 80 at 10 am, went with taxi. Will eat Trader Joe’s salads for the next week to make up for it. Have to say, sitting in a quiet, cool car does make one composed upon arrival at a casting studio. As they say “Nothing succeeds like success.” Successful people probably take a lot of taxis or something.

Because it pays big bucks, the casting studio was nice and all. Cool, good music, and an assistant who types your info into a computer instead of filling out the sheet with shoe size, etc.

I sit down to wait and a handsome actor sits next to me and starts talking. BEFORE AN AUDITION. I can be civil, but I like to stay in my own head before an audition. I have to loosen jaw and do other spastic things before going in. Don’t ask me why. So even though I am trying to listen, my body language is saying, “Get the fuck away from me.” I don’t hear much except that he mentions HE BOUGHT A PLACE years ago. They drop financials into the conversation early to spark interest. It’s hopeless. I have no response to questions. He was wearing a nice blue shirt. He was very upscale casual. Like me. He goes in before me and I am very interested when he tells me what they asked him to do in the audition room. “They want a funny face at the end.” So I immediately start going through my repertoire of funny faces in my head while he continues to talk and I stare at him with a blank face. “Ah, well, maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” he says. I nod my head thinking, “That will happen if we both get cast.”

The audition went well. They wanted me to talk about best concerts I have seen, and I recounted the transporting experience of seeing Thelonious Monk as a teenager.

When I am leaving, I realize that being at an audition had turned me into a self-centered, anti-social freak. But if that’s what it takes to get that four grand, I can live with it.

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5 Responses to “Never Flirt With Cranky at an Audition”


  1. 1 eldubb July 12, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Great blog, very funny! Congrats on the Indiana gig.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. 2 HaHaRiki July 11, 2014 at 4:40 am

    Hope you get it. Definitely did the right thing, re taxi!

  3. 3 TheManInTheYellowHat July 10, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    One of my least favorite things to see at an audition is a chatty friend walk in. I just know they’ll be trying to engage me and others in witty banter about the latest shows and projects, right up until the minute the assistant calls my name to go in, and my head will be all over the place. I like auditions where I don’t know anyone, or if I do, they’re like me. Thelonious Monk. Nice choice.

  4. 4 midilifecrisis July 10, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    Good luck! I hope you get the gig. Sorry for the chatterbox. Next time, ask to see his funny face. It might tell you volumes about the guy. You could even laugh AT HIM out loud at that point and he’d think he’d made points with that stunning beauty that is Cranky. ☺ ps- Monk! Wow!!

  5. 5 Michael July 10, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    Good luck! I hope you get the gig. Sorry for the chatterbox. Next time, ask to see his funny face. It might tell you volumes about the guy. You could even laugh AT HIM out loud at that point and he’d think he’d made points with that stunning beauty that is Cranky. ☺ ps- Monk! Wow!!


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