Cranky Actress Blog

Had a callback today. It was for a voice over.

For the audition all I had to do was read sides into the computer. I have no idea how this works or anything. But who cares? I got to audition in my purple velour lounge outfit. In bed. Cranky likes that. Pretty much audition heaven. No people, no waiting, no traveling, no outfit, no makeup. If I could have been watching reality TV at the same time it would have been perfect.

So the mysterious recording on the internets got me a callback. It was at a postproduction house in Soho. Full of trendoids wearing funky glasses and talking about yoga class.

When I arrived there was a sign in sheet and a sign that said, “Please take a seat and wait.”

I sit. I wait. I feel like I’m waiting for an eternity. What makes it seem like an eternity is that there are two people at desks across from me, and about eleven people walk by, but not one of them will make eye contact with me.

It’s so weird. It’s as if they all had a meeting earlier in the day and decided together, “Look, actors are really needy. If you start in with them who knows what will happen. Let’s make a pact not to make eye contact with them when they come in later. Not even once!” And they don’t.

When another actress comes in and enters the void with me, she instinctively wants to break through it. She gets up and goes to one of the people at the desks and asks a question. Before she is through she gets the hand. “I know nothing about it!” the person says. Proving my theory that they indeed did have that meeting.

When the actress sits back down she starts biting her nails the poor thing.

No wonder actors are paranoid.