Cranky Actress Blog

I’ve been on vacation in Florida. . It’s been OK. Except for when we arrived and my suitcase did not. So I ended up tromping around being a pale person in a black wool pea coat, black wool knit pants, and loser clogs, in a landscape of tan people wearing pastels and showing a lot of their tan skin. I think I looked only marginally mentally ill.
We’re going home tomorrow. Which might be a good thing for my marriage.

Cranky is an introvert/homebody and doesn’t really travel well. Cranky’s husband is an extrovert who would like to travel all the time. When he does travel, he gets hyper and wants to see everything and be out of the hotel approximately 15 hours a day. Cranky wants to sit in cafes and eat a late breakfast in bed. The first time I traveled with my husband I brought my own pillow. He made fun of me. So now the pillow stays home and I can’t sleep. A hard foam pillow will keep me awake. A hard mattress drives me nuts. Polyester sheets are preposterously torturous. I need the right light to read in bed, so I can fall asleep. And the perfect temperature. Oh, and the perfect blanket. Exactly like the one I have at home. There is a hotel in LA that has a pillow menu. That is my kind of place.

Basically, I could enjoy vacation if I could take a moving truck. I once snuck my down comforter with the high thread count cover into my suitcase.

So a few days without these things and ah well, I get cranky. Even more cranky than usual. Then my digestion doesn’t work. Then I get even more cranky. Then my husband wonders why he married me.

While we were away, I had a nightmare. It was one of those real, real nightmares where you wake up still feeling upset. In the dream, my husband was divorcing me. We were in a courtroom. My husband was standing in front of the judge. It went like this:

The Judge says, “So Mr. Cranky you are filing for divorce?”

“Yes Your Honor” says my husband.

“On what grounds, Mr. Cranky?” says the Judge.

“Constipation” says my husband.