The Return of The Hatwoman

Had a read through yesterday of the script for the film I’ve been cast in opposite the actress who wore the hat at the callback.  You know, the one who kept us all waiting 30 minutes?  Well, big shocker, she was 30 minutes late today again, so kept four actors and the director waiting for her.  Really the hat at the callback was just the tip of the iceberg.

She comes swooping into the room wearing giant Tory Birch sunglasses and poses with a big, “Hi there everybody!”  Are you kidding me sweetheart?  Sunglasses indoors?  On a cloudy winter day no less.  Oh come on.  Which she chose to keep on all the way through the upstairs studio down the stairs and across the basement studio and into the rehearsal room?  The four of us already dislike her now.

The second she sits down she looks at the director and says “Excuse me.  Can I talk to you alone outside?  I have a problem.”  Cool.  Keep us waiting some more.

When we are all introduced to her she takes a look at the actress playing her friend and says, “You’re supposed to be my friend?  You look ten years younger than me!”   Good.  Good.  Insult the director for moronic casting.

When we start to discuss the script she has to dominate the meeting.  Tells the director he has to use body mikes in certain scenes.

She appears uncomfortable if anyone else is speaking.  Anything anyone says is cut off by her “CAN YOU TOP THIS?” approach to conversation.  You know these people.  I think they are called sociopaths or something. She is having a Julia Roberts moment in her mind.

She asks other actors if they’ve worked out their back-story.  Asking another actor about their back-story is not appropriate or relevant.  Unless you learned the term yesterday and are dying to use it in a sentence.

The minute we start to read the script she starts furiously highlighting her pages with a yellow marker, thus defeating the whole purpose of having a table read.  She reads all her lines through a scary forced smile of terror.

During one scene she tells another actress how to feel.  “Maybe you’re not mad at me,” she says, “Maybe you’ve found forgiveness.”  “Maybe you should SHUT UP”, I think.

Basically, her behavior from start to finish is like a list of things not to do at a table read.

The director loves her.  She must look like his ex-girlfriend or something.

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January 2009

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