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How Long Is This Audition?

Got another classic email invitation for an audition yesterday
He wrote:

Hi there,
Here are the details for your audition from 3.30-5pm tomorrow. Please excuse the round robin.
I’ve mentioned that I want people to prepare a short [around a minute] ideally comic piece, I don’t mind what it is – but is should be a piece you enjoy doing! And not too long!
If you could also bring a copy of your headshot and resume that would be great [and a yoga mat if you have one to hand, the floor is stone so we may use them to save our knees].
I am so excited by the quality of the submissions and the sessions should be really fun, banish any nervousness and just come play!
Any questions please shoot me an email otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow.
Chad

I have no idea what he means by “round robin”. The only “round robin” I know about is the one on Tuesday nights at my gym when I go to play squash with a bunch of other people and we switch around. Round Robin? And my appointment is from 3:30pm UNTIL 5pm? Huh? And I am expected to spend an hour and a half at an initial audition? Wrong. At union calls, if you are kept over a certain amount of time they have to PAY YOU. He refers to a piece I enjoy doing? Oh, oh, oh, OK. Great idea. Oh wow. I was gonna do one that I HATE. This will really be something different. Thanks for that brilliant idea. But even if I am “enjoying” it, he makes sure its NOT TOO LONG, saving himself from the extra 60 seconds of boredom in case it totally sucks. Also, he too many exclamation points always seem like the product of a warped mind to me. I find them scary.
Bring a yoga mat for our knees? To save us from the stone floor? What are we going to be doing? Begging for the role? And I love that this bomb is in parentheses. You’ll be kneeling on the floor- but don’t think about that! What is he talking about? Don’t you think a little explanation is in order? What if I went wearing the plaid straight skirt that I have to hold my breath in and we’re expected to jump around or something? Or sit down? “Banish any nervousness?” I wasn’t nervous until I read this email.

Once again this proves the fact that any idiot can “put on a show.” And the sucky reality that people think actors will do anything for a chance at a role. Believe me, I know working is important. But I also think it’s important to have LIMITS. If I went I would not be happy with myself. I would feel like a moron. And I don’t think I would click artistically with this type of person. You know, a stupid one.

The email showed the names of all the actors he was inviting to this round robin of on your knees on the stone floor waste half a day audition. So I hit reply all and sent the below email to him and all the actors on the list:

Hi Chad,
Thanks for inviting me and all.
Sorry to say I won’t be there.
The Midtown Festival is great. I had a play in it ,and it was all very well run.
I’m not morally comfortable with asking actors to invest an hour and a half for an initial audition. So even though it sounds like an awesome project – I must do what I think is right.
Cranky

Once again, I feel like the Norma Rae of the acting world. I can just see the rally – CRANKY ACTRESSES UNITE –everyone in their high-heel boots and tons of Mac mascara and everything.

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5 Responses to “How Long Is This Audition?”


  1. 1 loquaciousmuse April 24, 2009 at 2:12 am

    Did anyone respond to what you wrote back?! Was there any aftermath?! That’s amazing you did that, haha, awesome.

  2. 3 Gina April 18, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Oh Lord! I feel your pain! Just returned from an “audition” – if you can call it that! Wish the e-mail sent to me had the forewarning that yours contained! I was asked to do an African Dance on the dirty pavilion in Riverside Park then handed a side for a part I did not submit for, and asked to read and use ALL THE SPACE! They kept throwing misguided Viewpoints terms around (and don’t eff with me on this one, I have a certificate in it and teach it!) – I just wanted to scream! So, feet now dirty and bloody, newly washed J. Crew jeans dusty and laden with pebbles, I politely told one of the auditors that I had another appointment and I didn’t expect this audition to exceed 1.5 hours. Did I mention it was “ROUND ROBIN??” Just wished I could skiddadle out of there sooner!!
    xo

    • 4 Cranky April 27, 2009 at 1:31 pm

      Gina –
      African effing dancing in public-that is really one for the books. Why why why was it in the park? Were they too cheap to rent space?
      And “use all the space” for a cold reading is totally retarded. Send them a cleaning bill. “Round Robin”-never heard that before- wonder if it was the same jokers that contacted me? Hugs to my fellow actress.


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