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Cranky As Divorcee

Cranky is in transition. And women in transition have to be careful. I’ve seen it before. A woman used to having a man around will settle for the nearest thing at hand just to fill the newly emptied space in her life. I had a friend who lost her husband at age 40 and dated wildly inappropriate men for a while. Seriously, she would have brought home the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The Hunchback could have been sitting in her living room drooling and she would look at him and think, “I can make this work. From some angles he looks OK. He’s not so bad in this light.”

So I know I must be careful not to fall into cliché newly divorced will date weirdoes category.

Last night when I was walking my little black dog down the street I reached the corner and saw a busboy who was getting off duty from the local pub. “Hello” he said. “Hi” I said back and continued on. Two blocks later he pulled up beside me on his bicycle. “You bootiful lady,” he says, “you have boyfriend?”

And for a moment time freezes and I wonder what would happen if I took Jose home? I flash forward in my mind to mornings a month from now. I am leaving for work in the morning. “Did you make the beds Jose? What are you making for dinner tonight? Don’t forget to do the dishes.” (His specialty) Sort of Brooklyn version of a pool boy. And we would never fight because he can’t understand a word I say. I could make this work. Maybe I could.

I come back to reality and hear his words in my head, “You have boyfriend?” “No,” I answer, “We broke up. I’m in mourning, I can’t talk.”

He looks at me with a confused look and drives his bicycle away. I know it was a ridiculous thing to say, but sometimes Cranky just says things to entertain herself.

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4 Responses to “Cranky As Divorcee”


  1. 1 Sassafrass August 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Cranky, I just discovered your blog and read the whole thing in one night!!!

    It was like midnight and my eyes were boring a hole into the computer monitor and I could feel my retinas getting fried, but I just could not stop myself from gorging on your stories.

    I think you’re wonderful –funny, smart, honest, genuine, and you’ve got a strong sense of self-worth. The first four attributes make for an entertaining read, the last one is actually very inspiring and useful to me, as a new actor. Matter of fact, you inspired me to stand up for myself in a weird situation the other day, even though pre-Cranky me would’ve been scared to speak up because of that strange paranoia actors cling to that if they are assertive, they will immediately be branded as a diva and never get work ever again. Instead, my weird situation got cleared up and I think everyone involved actually respect me more now than before I spoke up, including myself.

    So, thank you. Also, I hope you are doing okay. I’m sorry about the divorce, but I can’t think of anyone more equipped to deal with such a thing with humor, integrity, and courage.

    • 2 nycactress August 3, 2012 at 4:53 am

      Sassafras – Great to hear. Yes – you can take control of your auditions and not be seen as obnoxious. Some people just don’t know. Early in my career I had a film audition and when I walked in the guy had the radio on! I was afraid to say something but I did ask him to turn it off. He didn’t mind at all and I ended up getting the part. And let’s face it – we’re gonna stink if we don’t get what we need anyway.

      • 3 Sassafrass August 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

        Thanks for writing back! You are a wealth of funny yet helpful acting stories. I can’t wait to “smile and shrug” the next time a girl with mega-watt lip gloss tries to psych me out when we’re waiting to audition.

  2. 4 TheManInTheYellowHat June 9, 2012 at 4:44 am

    I think Cranky as Divorcee will be a strong performance….and always a work in progress, as these things are at their best. Break a leg.


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