Cranky Actress Blog

Cranky has been out of the acting world for a while. Post-divorce life was all about making money. Surprisingly Cranky has been able to make money. But really just making money is such a bore. Now that Cranky has enough Gucci bags that she could have bought a car, she’s over it. So, fate swooped in and Cranky got a manager. #1 problem solved. #2 problem is now everything is submitting self-tapes -before you used to walk into a room, read to people sitting at a table, (you could hold a script) and you’d walk out and toss the script in the nearest bin.  

Bought lights, a backdrop and a stand for iPhone. But these things were the least of my problems. Cranky looked trapped in the rectangle that is the space allowed for the tape. Manager suggest I take a class. Really? Cranky afraid and misses Mr. Inscrutable who’s in Director heaven and whose picture is on my bedroom wall. Bit the bullet and applied for a studio that is supposed to be the best with the film thing.

The night before the first class Cranky couldn’t sleep. EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE 22 YEARS OLD. THEY WILL BE WONDERING WHAT AM I DOING THERE? WHAT IF I’VE LOST IT AND I’M HORRIBLE? At 2 AM say “Fuck it. I’m not going.” I turn off the alarm and fall right asleep. Wake up at 7:30 AM anyway so figured “I’m awake. I might as well go.”

I was incredulous when the teacher walked in. My initial assessment: too young, wearing what looked like a cross between clown shoes and spats. THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK.  Surprised when in spite of his outfit he was incredibly smart. Like surprisingly smart. Learned how to navigate the rectangle. Now in his ongoing class every week. How this guy knows so much at his age is crazy. Totally detailed and insightful. Shocking.

Went through a peculiar phase when he of said kind inappropriate things. Like semi sexual. If Cranky had an affair with him she could write a play and call it SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL 2025. He has a wife, so forget that. Until he announced in class one day that the last date he went on was when he took his wife to the Museum of Sex and said it was appropriate since that was the day they decided to open their marriage. Huh? Cranky nudged the 22-year-old next to her and said, “Did you just hear what I just heard?” He says, “Yeah, lots of people do that nowadays.” I asked him if it registered with the rest of the class. A nod.  So, I guess it’s not just some jokey situation on Hacks? Honestly, Cranky doesn’t know what that entails logistically and I’m sure I never will.