Cranky Actress Blog

Ah, John-Paul is at it again. Just got 4 emails. All I needed to know was the time, the place, and attach the script thank you.

But no, John-Paul gave me so much more. His trip to California. His inability to convert a document. His family problems.
Here is the trail of communication:

EMAIL #1:
Dear Cranky,
Thank you for you interest in auditioning for the role of BRIAN’S MOTHER. I have scheduled you for the 4:00 pm time slot this Friday. The auditions will be held in NYC and will last fifteen minutes. I will be sending your character’s portion of the script tomorrow. I am sorry for the delay, but I have to convert the script’s format into a readable doc file. Feel free to read from the scene of your choice.
If there are any problems with the time I have selected, please notify me immediately so changes can be made. It will be difficult to change the schedule, but I will try to work it out.
Larry Schmoe, the project’s producer, will be sending you further information, such as, the address of the location where auditions will be held.
We look forward to meeting you Friday.
John-Paul Dunderhead

Very personal, as I can see the 14 OTHER PEOPLE he sent it to. Still hasn’t learned how to do the BCC? And when I get the script, it is one page, one scene. Scene of my choice?
What kind of person takes 24 hours to convert a document into a different format?

EMAIL # 2
Dear Cranky,
Here is the Mother’s scene. It is in a PDF file format because I was unable to convert it into a Word Document. . You are welcome to give a brief monologue of your own.
Larry Schmoe (producer) will be contacting you today with the address of the location where the audition will be held in NYC.
Sorry for the late reply. I had to go to California for a couple days for a family thing and just got back last night. I am creating the auditions schedule today and will send it out tonight along with the script. I have taken all desired scheduling times into consideration and will get back to you shortly. Thank you for your patients.
John-Paul Dunderhead

“PATIENTS?” “PATIENTS?” What? Huh? All the actors in hospital gowns I’ve been sending you? “Thank you for your patients?” Is English this guys first language? I know I seem harsh, but this is someone in a MASTERS program.
I am tempted to go in and do the courtroom monologue from “Nell”. The Jodie Foster movie. For those of you who missed it, “Nell” is unable to speak properly. She makes incomprehensible noises and gestures a lot. Should I do it?
I will scream, “NOOOAH CRYAAAAH FUUUU NEEELLL! NOOOO CRYAAAH FOOAH NEEEEEL! while gesticulating wildly and acting spastic. What if I went on for like 10 minutes and was completely unintelligible? Would they keep a straight face? I’m sure they will have “patients” with me.

Here is some dialogue from the scene John-Paul sent me: “Brian had a ruff day yesterday. He was turned down from another job.” Was he BARKING all day? How do you get turned down “FROM” a job? Maybe the building expels you?
Should I go tomorrow? Depends on whether I am having a ruff day.